


The Fear Of Falling Apart

by HayamaRei



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Felix is manipulative, M/M, Set after Felix's death, but what else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 20:21:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11387697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayamaRei/pseuds/HayamaRei
Summary: Felix dies and Locus isn't sure how to feel about it.





	The Fear Of Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is but I like how it turned out so I'm sharing. Enjoy!

His words still rang in Locus’ head even after the sword lit up in his hand, telling him Felix was gone. It was weird, the feeling. Somehow he felt excruciating pain and nothing at all at the same time. Felix was gone. A fact. People died all the time, Locus killed people all the time, Felix even more so. And then again he’d never thought he’d see Felix die. Felix was like an enigma, sometimes Locus wasn’t sure if he was completely from this world, he seemed invincible and so sure of himself even when he was collapsing on the inside. He seemed untouchable.

And yet Locus thought, foolishly believed that he was beyond that. Bigger than Felix’s walls, someone who was allowed to take a look inside. He’d seen Felix break down, he’d seen him hurt without his wit and quick mouth. He’d seen him fall apart, heard him beg and shiver underneath Locus during the nights they never spoke about in the morning after. And he thought that Felix had let him in. 

Locus claimed he had no weaknesses. He was a soldier, a machine to follow orders. But Felix, he was ready to burn the world down for him, even if nobody knew. Every harsh word they’d exchange held a thousand unspoken ones, a million sentiments, a desire beyond any. Locus claimed he had no weaknesses but it was a lie. 

But Felix was gone. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back this time. Unlike every other time when he’d disappear for days on end only come back, someone else’s smell staining his clothes and an unfamiliar taste on his lips. But Locus put that aside, because Felix came back every time and he hugged him like it was real and Locus couldn’t say no. This time he wouldn’t whisper an excuse in Locus’ ear. He wouldn’t trail his fingers down his spine and kiss his shoulder where he knew scars stood out. He wouldn’t bitch about the latest thing that had annoyed him. He wouldn’t smile in that soft way Locus hoped was saved for his eyes only. No. This time Felix was gone for good. He was dead and Locus had done nothing to prevent it. 

_“I never was yours.”_ The words had echoed in his mind for what felt like an eternity before he finally registered them. Felix was looking down at him and Locus knew that his face was as emotionless as his helmet. He knew Felix well. _“I let you believe what you wanted to get what I needed.”_

The words haunted him, the sneer in Felix’s voice, the easy way they fell from his lips. The fact that he meant it. And Locus was pathetic because even after that he still cared. Because even though there was a part of him celebrating, Locus wanted nothing more than to jump after Felix, save him or die with him, it didn’t matter. 

He finally broke down when he boarded a ship, trying to get off that miserable planet, tears filling his eyes without his permission. 

_“You’re a pitiful sight.”_ Felix’s voice chimed in his head. Locus couldn’t even disagree.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the "Truth be told I never was yours" line in This is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco


End file.
